Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Learning to Delight in the Mercy of Forgiveness
By: David Peterman, Jr.
One of the beautiful things about our Community and living in Community is that we're not afraid to get up at the microphone and not just share about our successes, but also share about our missed opportunities. We learn that and it's our shared life together that enables us to learn from one another.
This afternoon I'm going to be sharing on Forgiveness. My sharing this afternoon is going to be about a journey that the Holy Spirit has been taking me through on this subject.
I had planned to cover the word Covenant when I volunteered to give a sharing to Sue, but the Holy Spirit had other plans. My Men's Group started a book by Fr. John Ricardo. It's entitled Heaven Starts Now. In the book Fr. Ricardo claims that forgiveness is the most significant stumbling block we can face in reaching the goal of becoming saints and for that reason he starts his book on the subject of forgiveness. He begins the chapter with what I think is a terrific analogy from Fr. Raniero Cantalamessa. "Forgiveness does for a community what oil does for a motor. If someone begins a trip in a car without a drop of oil in the engine after a few minutes the whole car is going to be on fire. Like oil, forgiveness neutralizes friction." After this quote, Fr. Ricardo makes the statement "I think that forgiveness is the single most difficult thing to do in life. Impossible to do on our own."
Forgiveness as a foundational principle
Prayerfully reflecting on this statement is what prompted me to change my plans and share on forgiveness this afternoon. When the coordinators discerned to restart 10 minute sharings at the end of our Gatherings the objective was two-fold: 1) To lead us into God's Word, and 2) To bring our Covenant to life. While forgiveness is not specifically mentioned in our covenant, it is a foundational principle of our Covenant and Community. Having grown up in Community I have heard many teachings on forgiveness and reconciliation. We have carefully studied Paul's steps of reconciliation and have heard about the importance of verbalizing the words "Please forgive me" and the importance of hearing the words "I forgive you". Hearing these words verbalized are a critical part of being released and a healing of the hurt, but until the last couple of years I would have never said that forgiveness is the single-most difficult thing to do in life.
This afternoon I'm going to do something a little different than maybe some of the prior speakers. I'm not going to give you any details on the topic of forgiveness other than make a few key high level points. I'm going to ask that you take an hour this week and read the 10 scriptures and the one reference to the catechism and spend your own time this week reflecting and ask the Holy Spirit to teach you on the topic of forgiveness. Sue has put the key points on the overhead and I have handouts on the entry table in the foyer so you can pick one up on your way out and review it this week [and provided below].
In Micah and in Psalm 103 we read about God's attitude towards sin and forgiveness. And I'll share on Micah in a few minutes, but in Psalm 103 we hear David describe God's abundant love and mercy. His abundant mercy is brought to life in the three parables in Luke 15, where we will better understand God's response to our reconciliation. First, I have a question for everyone: Is God's mercy unlimited and without condition? I think Jesus is very clear that there is a condition. We must follow his example and show mercy, look for the word "as" when you read these scriptures; both as a condition of mercy and as a response to his mercy. God does abundantly love us. He is slow to anger and abounds in love and mercy and rejoices at the lost when we turn back to him. OK, then we shouldn't have any difficulty forgiving one another, right? Well I want to share my recent struggle with forgiveness and how I have been growing through this challenge.
My struggle with forgiveness escalated the last few years when someone at work did things that hurt and negatively impacted me on my job. It was a very significant challenge that I have been and continue to work through. My first response was to try, with all my will and power, to distance myself and control my responses to the situations. But time and again I realized that I was not successful in consistently responding in an appropriate way. The hurt was too deep and I had not forgiven him.
Delighting in the mercy of forgiveness
My next approach was to privately say the words of forgiveness and start praying for him. I added him to my daily prayer list and after a few months I felt like my heart had changed. What I learned however, was at the very next encounter that the hurt was still there, still affecting me and that just praying for him along with time and distance was not a cure. Fr. Stephen, as my pastoral companion, has assisted me in this journey. His most recent advice is that I view this person through God's eyes; that I recognize his woundedness and that I allow the Holy Spirit to develop love and compassion within me as I see this individual and his own wounds…as God does. This situation is still an active journey, but living through it has helped me understand Fr. Ricardo's point that forgiveness can be the single most difficult thing we do in life. It has completely changed my perspective of forgiveness and helped me to realize that I can't do it alone; that forgiveness happens by grace and through offering it to the Holy Spirit.
I want to go one step further on the topic of forgiveness. Fr. Ricardo references Micah 7:18. "Who is a God like you who removes guilt and pardons sins for the remnant of his inheritance, who does not persist in anger forever, but instead delights in mercy?" Fr. Ricardo's point from this verse was that we are not called just to forgive; but called, like God, to delight in showing mercy. Now wait a minute, I've been working at forgiving this person for several years, and now I learn that I'm expected not just to forgive and forget, but that the call is to delight in showing mercy?
After reading this I was 100% convinced that I could not do it on my own. The words of the Catholic Catechism ring true, paragraph 2843, "It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense, but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession."
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I cannot ignore the feeling of hurt, it is there. And I am sure that many of you have similar hurts that are deep or deeper and they'll just not go away. I can also not forget the offense and I suspect that many of you have been hurt in significant ways and find it difficult to forget. But let me read the words from the Catechism again. "It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense, but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession." That is my message this afternoon – that you and I must turn our heart over to the Holy Spirit. That we allow him to turn our injuries into compassion. That we allow him to purify our memories and turn our hearts into intercession.
Brothers and sisters as we continue to build Christian Community together we must follow the Lord's example of forgiveness, showing mercy and compassion. What is so important to understand is that we don't have to journey this alone or with our own strength, we have the awesome power of his Holy Spirit to make forgiveness happen through his grace
Handout on Forgiveness
- God's attitude toward Sin and Forgiveness: Micah 7:18-19 and Psalm 103 (NRSVCE)
- God's response to our reconciliation: 3x in Luke 15
- But there is a condition: Matt 5:7 and Matt 6: 14-15
- More examples of the condition: Matt 6:12 (note the word "as") and Matt 18:21-35
- Our response to God's forgiveness: Col 3:12-13
- Is there a limit? Matt 18:21-22
- Jesus' example: Luke 23:34
- How do we turn injury into compassion and purify the memory: Catholic Catechism 2843
(Community Gathering, September 24, 2017)